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          最新经典搞笑段子_2017最新幽默搞笑段子

          更新时间: 2017-02-21 阅读:

            每每爆发一个社会热点,都期待有一段精妙到位的段子去评说,这种叫“段子”的语言形态已经深入我们的文化生活,甚至改变着我们的表达、评论方式。下面是由学习啦小编整理而成的最新经典搞笑段子,谢谢你的阅读。

          最新经典搞笑段子摘录

            1.男人长的帅有个屁用呀?到银行能用脸刷卡吗?

            2.生下来的人没有怕死的,怕死的都TM没生下来,所以谁都别TM的装横!

            3.知道什么是凌迟吗?我们都是被时间凌迟的人,一刀又一刀,直到面目全非。

            4.爱情的投入和产出从来不成比例,一厢情愿的牺牲到头来感动的往往是自己!

            5.这些年来我过得一直很不好,除了美色和才华,我一贫如洗。

            6.颜值高的人往往不会在意成绩这种东西。

            7.在通向逗比的路上,我不小心把油门当成了刹车,一不留神冲向了前头。

            8.我们不要再见面了,洗头好累,洗发水好贵。

            9.真羡慕你们这些有男朋友陪着去看演唱会的人,不像我,我男朋友还得辛辛苦苦开演唱会给你们看。

            10.从来没人对我表白过,这说明一个问题,我一直被人暗恋着。

            11.我知道我脾气很不好,如果你不能忍受,我希望你能反省一下你自己,为什么别人可以。

            12.外面超多情侣,我害怕我一出现他们就后悔,后悔自己已经有女朋友了。

            13.今天在网上看见一件衣服,有三个评论,其中两个中评一个好评,中评的内容大致是和图片不一样,有色差,穿着不好看,而好评的内容是,帮同学买的,她穿着很丑,我很满意…

            14.如果一条狗跟你擦肩而过,如果它有急事就不会看你一眼;如果它没事就会看你,假如你的眼神再友好些,它就会围着你的脚转一转,这种礼节是人和人之间比较欠缺的。

            15.难道全世界的鸡蛋联合起来就能打破石头吗?!所以做人还是要现实些……

            16.森林这么大,我竟然找不到吊死的一棵树!

            17.我床上的不知道是谁媳妇,我媳妇不知道在谁的床上!

            18.如果以后只有一口稀饭了,你先喝,喝完了,我再把碗舔干净——

            19.最近很多人跳楼,大家小心别被砸到了。

            20.如果你恨一个男人,就把他的女人揍成李宇春,让他无法享受上半身的快乐。如果你恨一个女人,就把她的男人揍成李宇春,让她无法享受下半身的快乐。

            21.男人是会走路的生殖器!

            22.出生之前,父母从来没有问过我,“你想出生么?”其实,活着也是被迫的!

            23.我以为只要我晒得和煤炭一样黑就不会有人认出我了,可是我错了,我完全错了,现在的我,已经黑得发亮了。

            24.婚后男人就像桌布,只有吃饭的时候才出现。

            25.女人是制造人类的工具,男人是使用工具的人类。

          最新经典搞笑段子推荐

            1.我也不知道为什么会这样,我只是喜欢上兄弟的女人!

            2.你抽烟的样子很帅,但你会死的很早。

            3.“怎么老是一边做作业一边听歌?”“你没看电影里主角做大事的时候都有背景音乐吗?”

            4.让我们红尘作伴,吃的白白胖胖。

            5.明日复明日,明日何其多,既然这么多,不妨再拖拖。

            6.出售本人,活不起了,太累。手续齐全,不能做菜,会吃饭,生活能自理,有钱会败家,没钱会在家,带的出去,领的回家。有意者欢迎咨询,包邮,自己上楼,绝对限量。

            7.我在英语的翻译里大血纷飞,你在数学的等式里乌漆麻黑。

            8.喜欢你的时候你就是天,因为我想上天啊。

            9.听成绩时一定要用右耳,因为左耳靠进心脏,可能会猝死。

            10.我国的地域歧视到了什么地步,那天认识一个上海老外,他说他打心里瞧不起北京老外。

            11.精神失常的疯子不可怕?膳率蔷裾5姆枳。

            12.张照片充分揭示华南虎成为超稀有物种的原因——吐着舌头正面被人拍了半个小时都不带换个姿势的老虎,它不灭绝谁灭绝!

            13.其实挺羡慕芙蓉姐姐的,活在自己的世界里,开心自己,恶心别人。证明华南虎其实是真的。

            14.嫦娥,你就从了天蓬吧,你看玉帝都老成啥样了!

            15.叶子的离开是因为风的追求还是树的不挽留?

          最新经典搞笑段子精选

            1.为配合今年中国计划生育工作的胜利完成,本人决定暂时不和异性朋友接触,谢谢合作。

            2.打破老婆终身制,实行小姨股份制。引入小姐竞争制,推广情人合同制。

            3.一只青蛙给牧师打电话,问自己的命运。牧师说:“明年,有一个年轻的姑娘会来了解你。”青蛙高兴的蹦了起来:“哦,真的吗?是在王子的婚礼上吗?”牧师说:“不,是在她明年的生物课上。”

            4.要挑熟女,裙子好揪;巢啪拖窕吃,时间久了才能让人看出来。

            5.我和妻子已经18个月没说话了,我没机会打断她。

            6.出尔反尔是我的作风,众叛亲离是我的现状,长命百岁是我的结果。

            7.傻B就傻B吧,只要不影响国人的整体素质。

            8.气得下面都湿了。如果你不能给你的女人穿上嫁衣,那么千万别停下你解开她衣扣的手!

            9.从天堂到地狱,我路过人间!

            10.如果你同时爱几个人,说明你年轻;如果你只爱一个人,那么,你已经老了;如果你谁也不爱,你已获得重生。

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